One beautiful summer eve while sitting atop a mountain with Tito…Three Melanated Beauty Queens decided to run to the liquor store for snacks.
While approaching said store, a fine gentlemen who was walking out held the door open and asked “So, which one of you is Miss America?”
Two of the queens pointed to the one in front of them. The fine gentleman replies “Ok! Well then you two must be Miss Universe and Miss Galaxy!”
Miss America, Miss Universe and Miss Galaxy sniggled and giggled with finger snaps while walking towards the chip aisle with over-exaggerated walking like their asses were so big they were dragging them across the floor.
Before the Queens made it inside the liquor store there was a certain tall, handsome and B E A R D E D gentleman who caught their eye. Miss Universe spotted him first while she was parking and said “haaaaaay beard!” He was a nice looking young lad with caramel-colored skin and brown hair that adorned his face like a silky blanket taken from Jesus’ manger. After standing in the chip aisle for almost 7 minutes
(STUCK), they finally made their way to get drinks then to the register where “Beardy” was checking out his goods.
The Three Melanated Queens stared in amazement from afar as homeboy was paying for his stuff like a boss. As he gathered his bag and turned towards the door, Miss America says “have a good evening!” with stars in her eyes as glittery as Elton John’s performance garb and Beardy replied “you ladies do the same.” He was so niiiiice.
“We sure will…” replied Miss Galaxy. The three of them were perched like parched pigeons at the checkout counter watching him walk away- it was quite apparent they hadn’t grabbed enough to drink. All of the tumbleweeds in the desert were far more quenched than they were at that very moment. The amused register clerk interrupted their H20 Hazard Committee Panel and asked “do you ladies need anything else?”
“No!” Miss Galaxy retorted. “You can’t do nathan for me!” as she’s watching Beardy walk to his car.
With laughter and bags full of chips, “sweet ass fish” (Swedish Fish) and Calypso drinks, the Queens made their way back into their vehicle and rode back to Miss Universe’s home. While they were riding down her street, Miss Galaxy noticed the same white Chevy Impala parked in front of a home with lights on.
“Aye, y’all! That might be Beardy’s car!”
They rolled by slower than usual and saw what could have possibly been a remnant of his face through the passenger window. With high hopes they giggled and spoke about how funny it would be if Miss Universe had decided to turn around and verify whether it was in fact, Mr. Beardy.
Miss Universe, without warning, cut the sharpest turnaround, almost snapping the necks of her fellow Queens who would have laughed themselves to their deaths. She just had to find out if he indeed, lived in her neighborhood. You should have seen the way she slowly crept back around as Beardy was getting out of his car. Then without warning again, Miss Universe rolls down the passenger side window, where Miss Galaxy was seated and embarrassed at this point, and says “It’s Beardy! HEY BEARDY!” Miss Galaxy sunk back in her seat giggling and wanting to die at the same time while Miss America is in the backseat about to pee herself.
Beardy may have heard Miss Universe or not, but they sure as hell were giggling til no end. By the time they circled back around to head back to the house, there was no sight of Beardy, but they knew where he lived. It finally slapped Miss Galaxy across the face that he could be married or living with his girlfriend so they outta chill juuuuust a tadbit.
Miss Universe said it’s always good to know there’s eye candy in the neighborhood. Beardy gave Miss Galaxy and Miss America an incentive to visit more often.
The End. 🙂