Thoughts On A Cloud: I’m A Real Life (Tender) Roni!

http://iwannabeanewjack.blogspot.com

There are quite a few songs I can say were personally written about me. You can’t tell me that Uncle Stevland Morris aka Stevie Wonder didn’t write “That Girl” about me or Jodeci’s “Feenin'” wasn’t inspired by me, either. Just recently as of this evening, I added another song to that long list…Bobby Brown’s hit single “Roni” written by the one and only Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds (whose hit classic “Whip Appeal” was inspired by yours truly).

While riding on Aladdin’s magic carpet in the clouds, I had a chance to have a closer listen to the lyrics in one of my favorite songs that I named my last blog after before Go Daddy was being a hater (during a Mercury Retrograde period) and erased it completely, thus forcing me to choose the name for this one out of sheer frustration. 🙂

Anyway, I’m going to break down certain excerpts from key points in the song that make reference to myself. Follow along if you like magic carpet rides. 🙂

aladdin-go-for-a-ride

 

“If you believe in love and all that it can do for you, give it a chance, girl. You’ll find romance…”

Look here Uncle Bobby, I don’t have time for you to be up here singing my story. So what I haven’t been taking heed to love because like Chris Brown sings in “Wishing”- “cuz being in love is too hard”. It most definitely IS because who wants to sign up for hurt and pain? Me. Apparently me because I’m still lying to myself about it. I’m scared to give it a chance in real life but I gotta take the leap in order to make love happen. Can’t continue to hold back due to fear…or how else will I find romance? Right.

I want someone’s heart to belong to me and for him to be my only love, just like Unc is singing in the chorus but I’m scary. I want to control how its supposed to happen and not allow myself to feel. But then it gets interesting in the second verse:

“The truth about a Roni, she’s always on the phone talking to her homeboy wishin’ they were home alone.”

I feel like I’m tellin’ all of my antics/business but ten times out of ten, you were curved to the friend or “homeboy” zone because you are unavailable. In some form, shape, capacity, I deemed you untouchable but loved your conversation because I knew there was something special about you that had my attention. And within a lot of circles I rolled in, you were just too close for comfort. I never wanted to take the risk for fear of expecations, reputations or our social surroundings so I’m just content talking to you on the phone. That was a great way for me to compartmentalize my feelings and regress them at the same time so I could sleep at night but (in my Fantasia voice) “truth is…I never got over you”, so I wasn’t getting any sleep regardless. This has been a repeated cycle for a while.

I know you’re probably looking at your computer like…

giphy-7

Whatever! But this rap breakdown Uncle Bobby bust out, though:

“The truth about Roni, she’s a sweet ol’ girl. About the sweetest lil’ girl in the whole wide world. She make the toughest homeboy fall deep in love. See, once you had a Roni, you could never give her up.”

About that…most of them couldn’t give me up and I would eventually have to drive a wall or distance between us so they would stop pursuing me. All I REALLY DID was cut my nose off to spite my face! Shout out to my BSO (Big Sister Oracle) for explaining to me the meaning behind that last statement…ya girl was lost for a few (lol).

“She’s a special kind of girl who makes her daddy feel proud. Ya know, the kinda girl who stands out in crowds.”

I sure did stand out…because I was always focused on making my daddy proud! Now, before I get all Beyonce “Daddy Issues” on y’all I’m just going to say this- I have an awesome relationship with my father. However, since I was maybe 14 or 15 he instilled this fear in me about getting pregnant as a teenager so I kiiiiinda held onto the “no sex” thing longer than I should have. Way longer than the folks I knew in church with me who were (what I thought to be ) V card-carrying members, when they were actually lying about their f#ck number (but that’s neither here nor there).

I have always been extremely adamant about who I allowed to enter my vagina (with the exception of a few, I mean…sometimes I just be horny) but, aside from that, turning into a loosey goosey was frowned upon. So, I chose the tomboy route. All boys stay out. My daddy crazy. He will fight a kid and not have a f%ck to give about it.

But LiLi…you grown boo boo. Daddy don’t give no dambs no more about a baby out of wedlock, let alone who I’m swirlin’ with. He just wants to give me away at a wedding ceremony, eventually. Basically, at this point…but I’m being scary.

I’m almost positive I’m going to read this tomorrow on level ground and be like…

tumblr_mtlkdeCjWs1qkiyi1o1_400

2 Comments

  1. Brande

    Girl! If you don’t get out of my entire life!!! I had a praise break on the “homeboy” paragraph. And I have yet to understand what that phrase means lol. Awesome read! I am secretly becoming a closet Stan!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *