The Gift or Curse of ‘Overlooking’

It used to grind my ass chaps when a person would judge me off of something they heard instead of getting to know me. It further set my ass chaps on fire when associates who had access to the truth (i.e. having my number stored in their phone) decided to accept a lie from a person I no longer welcomed into my personal space.

Whether it’s friends, ex-lovers or someone I had a business transaction with, if I no longer wanted them in my life it was for good reason which probably involved betrayal, lack of trust or flat-out disrespect. Tolerating any of the three is a no-go in my world and sometimes the split is amicable. Then there are the ones who never learned how to own up to their faults and play the victim (which boils down to insecurity and a lack of self-integrity), who spew lies when asked about the relationship/ friendship.

Think about it: who wants to publicly announce that they’re a shitty ass person with receipts? We live in a social media world where everything is smoke screens and streak-stained mirrors. Just like horrible movies that show their best scenes in the trailer, same with how some present themselves to this digital world. On top of that, reputation is everything and owning up to mistakes or actually being sorry for something isn’t how the majority operates. It would keep your ex from getting a new girl (probably not cuz these ‘new age hoes’ are thirsty), and that old friend/ business partner would be in jeopardy of getting new connections.

I’ve come to realize that I won’t ever be able to escape anyone talking about me. From family to friends to enemies, every breathing person will have an opinion about what you are doing with your life, ESPECIALLY if you choose to no longer engage with them. I can’t change that nor can I come out guns blazing every time I “hear something” about me. Some folks can shake it off and keep it moving. Others have mastered the art of victimization and butt-hurted-ness.

I’m also too old to be shocked about who said what to whom and how so-and-so believed it, which is why he/she hasn’t spoken to me in a while. It’s all a game that I bow out of every time because it’s no longer my struggle.

However, what I do grapple with from time-to-time is overlooking people’s faults.

I’m talking about actually witnessing firsthand a former friend/ lover lying or treating someone poorly. Because I’m a rider and loyal to a fault at times (Leo shyt), I tend to always have their back but will check them on some hard stuff if things get out of hand.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing because I know God looks beyond my faults and sees my needs every single day. Who am I to be so hard on a person for doing something I deem wrong when I have a laundry list of things within myself that need to change? I have loved some fairly unsavory people and I don’t regret one bit of that because I never regret showing genuine love. That’s the gift.

The curse, however, is when I have all of the signs and red flags about a person in the beginning and no matter how long I allow the friendship/ relationship to draw out, the same signs always bite me in the ass years later.

Example: I was in a relationship with a fellow who is an opportunist and a liar. He would lie about the type of socks he wore if it could get him into heaven. However, I overlooked it and loved him anyway (like a dumb ass). Once our relationship was over, I got receipts of how bad he lied about our relationship (during and after) from his friends and even an ex-girlfriend who showed me receipts. However, I was more so angry with myself because I knew his character upfront but…I just overlooked it.

There’s a difference between judging people and being a good judgement of character. My favorite saying is grown folks gon’ do what grown folks wanna do. However, if that same grown person is known to do shady or distasteful things to others, it’s only a matter of time before they point that gun at you.

“Fool me one time- shame on you. Fool me twice, can’t put the blame on you.” – J Cole

On the flip side of that, I stopped being mad at outsiders who believed the lies instead of weighing the BS against my character. Most who know me know I am an open book and I have no shame about any of my experiences or admitting when I’ve done something wrong. I think that type of person is dangerous to the faker because it’s a genuine energy that is more respected. The last thing a person who doesn’t have the pleasure of your company anymore wants for you to be is respected in these streets. You’re going to look like the heroine and they will look like the villain, but if the shoe fits…

For those who really don’t know me and go off of what trash bags tell them just means that they’re a messy ass person who I definitely don’t want within close proximity to me or loved ones. Yes, I am everything they said I am as long as it keeps all of y’all far away from me. I need my air clean, chakras balanced, aligned and positive energy flowing. Get your bad ass, negative vibes out of here.

Character assassination is a common practice in today’s world and I wish it were easier to “grow thick skin” as it is growing a Chia Pet. However, it always stands true that real ones can smell the lie and won’t pay the miserable hoes any mind, so rest in knowing that you’re genuine character is all the proof you need. Let ’em talk!!

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