Listen…everyone has raggedy moments of their life. I have had plenty and I am still sewing back together pieces of myself that are frayed at the ends or loose at the ankles. Putting yourself back together after failures, setbacks, heartaches, breaks and 808’s is hard as shit. There’s no one in all of adulthood that is available to put your pieces back together except you. I don’t care how many Tyler Perry movies you’ve watched that sold you a dream of a hard-working, blue-collar, saved & sanctified man that has his shit together only to find and make you his “good thing” (that’s ‘Christianese’ by-way of The King James version) and clean up all the dirty parts of your life- there’s a slim chance of that happening, sis.
However, I’m not here for my sisters. We have a lot of conversations and I feel a majority of us are starting to wake up to our power. Fortunately, for the men out here in these mean streets of dating, you have someone like me to hip you to the game that y’all still are not playing correctly. I’m not here to bash but help bring understanding that y’all got us fucked up, just like Uno told the entire country you can’t stack up draw 2’s & 4’s. Look at this in the same vein. You can’t stack 2 & 4 women and assume all of them are okay with it (that one was basic and I apologize).
How many of you mistakenly believe that a woman who you’ve perceived to have “it” together, however you unassumingly define “it”, is required to acquiesce to your desires? If she is a woman of a certain age, shouldn’t one accurately assume that she has experienced her own number of romantic and/or financial setbacks, just as you? The need to have irrational desires met, such as expecting a mother versus a partner or a therapist versus a girlfriend, comes from a place of lack within your own household (currently or in adolescence) that is a displaced responsibility transferred on the women you date.
Laymen’s terms: homegirl has seen, felt, and been in some shit, just as you, negro. Don’t expect her to carry your baggage. Seek therapy and clean your shit up.
I am tired of seeing, hearing and reading the same stories about DMX-bat-shit-crazy-esque men in search of a rehabilitation center, shelter and food bank in between a woman’s thighs, her home and her checking & savings accounts. We give from a place of love because we are natural nurturers that can water a seed and assist it’s growth into a beautiful bloom. Not all flowers bloom and some plants die. Some of y’all need to die and start afresh, is all I’m sayin’.
We get demonized and called all different types and forms of crazy when we express emotions due to y’all being emotion-less creatures, or showing emotion in irrational behaviors that seem normal to men. Said behaviors translate into “toxic masculinity”, narcissism, fight (abusive) or flight (ghosting) responses and flat-out victim-blaming. A good majority of you don’t like to be called out on your behavioral problems and will even read this entire post and not take responsibility for at least one thing- pointing ten-thousand fingers back- and that’s fine. It’s elementary behavior and the discussions need to take place across the board, but most importantly within ourselves.
If you take nothing else away from this just note that a quality woman is not going to clear up her skin, diet, credit, chakras, and PH balance to be in relationship with a man who can’t even see he has mommy or daddy issues. A grown ass man who refuses to talk on the phone or face-to-face, but chooses to text you down in serious matters (running from problems/ lack of clear communication). A boy in man’s clothing who can’t keep his own home together or create healthy boundaries with the mother of his children. Etc…