“I see so much potential in you. I know you can run this entire program better than our manager if you applied yourself. Don’t you want more for yourself and your career?”
My boss decided to have a heart-to-heart with me because she can tell that I’m “unmotivated” and “bored” with my job. She couldn’t be any more accurate, although I’m great at what I do. Being great at this job isn’t really much of a challenge like most of the administrative positions I’ve held. It’s all emails, paperwork, files, meetings and a bunch of bullshit where the bullshit in the meetings can’t fit (because thank GOD someone else needs your conference room).
Our current “team lead” (although her email signature says project manager– girl bye) only has the position because of seniority. She started working there less than a year before me and was technically the first and only person to keep the job, so boom. She was promoted atop myself and other team member and we were cool with it, except I knew she was going to do a piss poor job and make herself look under-qualified. The project manager started zooming in on her attendance and work activity and that lead to heart-to-hearts about wanting more for my career.
In a nutshell, the PM wants me to outshine her so they can give her the boot and transition moi into her place. However, EYE. Don’t. Want. It.
She knows I don’t want the team lead position and I had to kindly tell her, for the last and final time, that I would never give her or the rest of the team the commitment they are looking for because my heart is not in Corporate America. I am a Corporate American Hustler who Joanne The Scammer-ed her way into a lot of good positions. No, not illegally but simply off of charm, Google, and common sense. Sometimes I seriously consider writing a book about it but then I think about my book failing and having to go back to corporate America once the jig is up. *insert shrug*
What I want to do is simply what I’m doing at this very moment- write. Not in an office but on a beach or at least a resort balcony overlooking a beach. However, I do it on company time so it kind of feels like I’m getting paid to do what I love (I felt that side-eye but judge ya mama).
My heart wants to be free from the “clocking in and out” system. Being where I’m at today was never the plan but I gotta eat and pay bills. I have to “adult” or whatever and I’m low-key mad at young LiLi for wanting to grow up.
After finally giving my PM the real deal about how I feel being stuck here (just not in those words), she had a very receptive hug full of warmth and understanding. What I expected was an even firmer push or a sigh of exasperation and frustration, but she received my truth and even applauded me for it. I was told how she respected my honesty because I could’ve lied and went back to the same mentality while dismissing her efforts. I told her I wouldn’t dismiss her because I knew she genuinely cared, I just need her to remove her personal/ professional benefits from said caring. We chuckled and she agreed again while walking me out of the conference room, talking about how everyone should be able to stand in their truths in life.
That’s what led me to start doing my passion in the middle of the work day. I wondered how many people are “stuck” hustling their way through situations they don’t have to live in.
How many marriages are hustling everyday due to survival of the brokest, “not breaking up families” or trying to
save and change somebody, Jesus?
How much longer does that laundry list of hurts have to grow until you let go of toxic relationships, friends AND family included?
And the final one (this is going to hurt): When are you going to sit down, face yourself, and apply every ounce of yourself to your dreams? Your goals? Your passion and purpose in life?
I get it. Uprooting the huge Evergreen tree in the Hustle of Life Woods is not an easy task, by far. It took decades on decades for that baby to grow taller than all of the trees in the forest. It became the Head Tree in Charge (HTIC) but took a lot of cold winters to get there. After all of the work (or lack thereof), I gotta chop it down?
The answer is almost too simple to believe but it takes about 98% less time to cut down a tree (I pulled that out of my ass for dramatics so it’s not a real statistic). What took decades to grow upward and downward can be removed in less time, depending on the work you do to remove it. Going it alone without the proper equipment will cause aches and pains but you will be stronger as a result. The world, Google, the library/ bookstore, and spending time with yourself are wonderful tools to help make the process go a lil’ faster.
The reward is far more greater than the process and you’ll like yourself much better on the other side. The trick is loving yourself enough to let go of the hustle. A pimp like myself is ready to hang up her hat & cane…