Hey y’all! It’s been a minute! Actually…it’s been about 6 months. A lot of unpredictable events have come about but I am in a place of surrender with faith that the outcomes are for my greatest good. I don’t have anything to complain about and everything to be grateful for.
One of the main things I can truly pat myself on the back for is making an effort to pursue a dream that I’ve been carrying around since I was a little girl. I thought last year was the last time I would pursue it. This year rolled around with other plans, even when I tried to make my own plans around birthing this dream ‘baby” that I’ve been too afraid to push out.
I didn’t feel worthy enough. I didn’t feel like I would be received. Forget anyone liking a thing I do, I just didn’t expect anyone to pay attention at all. Then one day I woke up with a terrible cold that mutated into bronchitis. As I toiled, ached, and profusely sweat in agony by myself in my bed I had an Aha! Moment. I was there alone taking care of myself. With the exception of my best friend delivering meds because I could barely get up and walk to the bathroom, I was fighting a battle all by myself. It was within those moments of nursing and caring for myself when I realized all that matters is me.
People’s opinions and words can be hurtful but they don’t do anything for me on a physical or financial level. They may shake me energetically, but I still have control over that. Additionally, was I really going to short-change myself out of fear and laziness because I didn’t want to do this alone? I do EVERYthing alone. It doesn’t mean I’m lonely or unworthy of receiving help but it finally sunk in that I have to give a damn, FIRST, before anyone else will.
Life within the past year almost, set me up to push through the pain, doubt, insecurities and self-imposed insignificance, in spite of. Finally I can say that I’ve shown up for myself and will be releasing something into the Universe without any expectations of the outcome. I am truly and simply elated that I took the necessary steps to get it done.
My first day outside, after keeping myself confined from sickness, felt like a new birth. I was “born again” but in the most practical way. No one else mattered and I heard my voice, finally. I felt like Ariel after she retrieved her voice from Ursula in The Little Mermaid (shout out to Halle Bailey, our new black princess). Except, no one stole it…I buried it. On March 12th it came back louder than the strongest strain in a dispensary.
With that being said, in 28 days, I am going to shift from one level of artistry into the next. It is time. The transition will take place on my solar return (birth date) this year, and I couldn’t be more proud of myself. The plan that I had didn’t come into full fruition in the time period that I planned for it to take place. However, I have something to start off with, out the gate.
Furthermore I am going to keep chronicling my journey because it’s a very unique, weird and eccentric trip, indeed!
Stay tuned, folks!